I saw this video earlier today and there were some comments that said stuff like, “what you hear, is what you believe'“…or something to that effect. But it reminded me of what I’ve been dealing with in myself this past week. “What you think, you are (or will become)”.
I have been dealing with and going through a lot of shit over the past 10+ years. (Family and friends can attest to that). And I’m still going through those things. All the places I’ve gone and lived, trying to find out what I’m supposed to do, how to do it, who to do it with…or not. A long time ago, I probably should’ve been destroyed by these things but for whatever reason, I’m still here. ‘Being here’ is a thing in itself because lately, I’ve begun viewing life, society, existence…as absurd. To me, it truly is. Prior to that, I’ve allowed myself to view myself in a lot of ways as a victim. I’ve not said that out loud or to anyone I know, but at the base level, how I’ve conducted my personal walk has been through the lens of defeat and inferiority. “What you think, you are (or will become).”
Within the absurd mindset…well prior to stumbling upon the philosophy…I kept having recurring thoughts about the whole concept of me (all of us, actually) being created by something way beyond me and this physical location. Yes, I’m here due to the combination of my parents and all that jazz. But that those two people even formed a union to bring me forth, isn’t of their own doing alone. It wasn’t a thing they curated from day one and said, “yo, this (meaning, me) will be the exact image and likeness I will create one day.” So when I think of the society we live in and the rules we follow and adopt and believe in and allow to fester and manifest…I often think, “I didn’t sign up for this.” When I think about what I want for my life experience, none of this bullshit is part of it. These boxes and confines, these games, these rules, these narratives. Who are these people who get to dictate this for me?! And why do I (we) continue to follow this bullshit?! I have a right to exist because I was created not by the permission of man. Mos Def said it best:
“Well, from my understanding people get better
When they start to understand that they are valuable
And they not valuable because they got a whole lot of money
Or 'cause somebody, think they sexy
But they valuable 'cause they been created by God
And God makes you valuable
And whether or not you recognize that value is one thing”
*note: God can be whatever you think God is. Stop letting people dictate what God is to you.
I’m often left meditating on how to detox myself from miseducation. Or how to cleanse myself of the filth of negative programming. I hear a lot of conversation around trauma. And it’s a valid one for a lot of people. And when I think of us all being created by something divine beyond us, I also imagine us as heirs of that divine beyond. We don’t have to subscribe to trauma if we don’t want to. We don’t have to be confined to boxes. We don’t have to feed into inferiority or comparison. What’s valuable to you and whatever you want to pursue (obviously the caveat is to not cause harm to anyone else), GO FUCKING DO IT! At least this is what I’m telling myself. *All this blabbering brought to you by ‘Green Needle vs Brainstorm’. 😭
What do you tell yourself?